The Midday Sun at Midnight
by Rinkinkirs
Summary: Having a vampire stare at you as if he wanted to eat you was rather unnerving, Cedric thought. Especially when he didn't seem to be after your blood. Cedric/Edward. Fishy.
1. The Midday Sun at Midnight

A.N: I rarely write humour, as I'm about as funny as a flower pot, but here goes… Tyan prompted me, and the pairing was too cracky not to poke fun at. Though it's not really pairingish…ish. Title is a phrase from Willow's Song.

* * *

**The Midday Sun at Midnight**

Cedric didn't know for how long he'd been walking along the highway, as he'd turned up without his watch in the middle of nowhere, but he came to a halt by a big, blue sign. He scratched his arm, staring at it for a bit. It said _Port Angeles_ in large, white letters. He shook his head, wondering how stupid muggles really were; making a port for angels! Pshh.

He walked a few more yards, watching his surroundings carefully to see whether they changed as he passed the sign.

They didn't.

He sighed, shoulders sinking in disappointment. Apparently, it really _was_ entirely muggle. He'd just thought that a big place like this would at least have a magical community. All the cities he'd been to where Wizards lived had given off a certain aura. Though there really was something strange with this place, he decided. It felt as if the earth itself was… magical, he supposed. Ambient magic? Hmm. It didn't emanate from the port of angels, although it did come from the same direction. Divine influence, perhaps?

Ha-bloody-ha.

Where _was_ he, anyway? The last he could remember was the graveyard… He really hoped Harry was all right. Having a Dark Lord out to kill you was rather detrimental to your health, after all.

As he entered a more densely populated (or at least more active) part of the city, he noticed all the not-so-inconspicuous glances at his robes. He scratched his head awkwardly, shuffling his feet before he could catch himself. Damn, and he thought he'd been used to the mooning at Hogwarts… Although this was more suspicious glares than mooning, he supposed, and that was Harry's area of expertise.

He stopped a dark-haired, humungous guy by a department store, making sure to stand in his way to catch his attention.

"Excuse me," Cedric said, "but could you tell me… where I happen to be?"

The guy wrinkled his nose slightly as he stepped back; he looked as if he was confused, or smelled something unpleasant.

"You're in Port Angeles," the guy said cautiously – judging by his voice, he seemed a lot younger than Cedric had first thought.

"That's not what I mean," Cedric said, just as cautiously. Merlin, he'd have everyone convinced he was a madman… "I mean, where is Port Angeles?" He kept his comment about the guy's atrocious accent to himself.

The guy wrinkled his nose again.

"Er, Washington," the guy mumbled, staring at him as if he was a particularly interesting specimen about to be dissected. "Where are you from?"

"Britain," Cedric answered shortly, and the guy nodded.

"Oh, overseas," the guy said, nodding as if that explained everything – Cedric choked. "Hey!" He clapped Cedric on the back repeatedly, until the coughing dwindled. "You all right?"

Cedric nodded, at a loss for words: he was in America, and the guy in front of him was a shape shifter! There was no mistaking those sharp teeth and the unrealistic body temperature… His father did work in the Department of Magical Creatures. And come to think of it, he had walked since twilight and not even felt thirsty since… well, since Britain.

What on earth had that Killing Curse done to him?

He sighed wearily, glancing around at the people as the huge guy excused himself and moved along the street.

Wait a minute.

There was a congregation of people further down the block. Cedric might not have a lot of experience in dealing with muggles, but he knew that this did not follow regular behaviour patterns unless there was a point of congregation – such as a rock concert, or free food.

Something was going on. Something- He felt a jerk on his magic.

Oh. That was not supposed to happen. He glanced around curiously. There weren't many schooled wizards in the Americas, were there?

Oh! He twirled around, hoping to catch someone with their wands out. Really, jerking on his magic like that in public…

He twisted around again at another jerk – which came from… above?

A screeching whine came from the enormous, grey cloud above him. What was to be his last thought as the grey thing accelerated towards him was, "I thought potion gas clouds were exterminated years ago…"

The sudden wave of cold wind took his breath away, and he opened his eyes to look up at a huge vampire of brobdingnagian proportions – and that was saying something, as Cedric himself had already (if barely) surpassed six feet. For a moment, it reminded him of one of those cheesy Witch Weekly short stories where the witch was saved from a poisonous potion gas cloud (or anything from dragons to tripping) by a vampire (or a medieval knight, Gryffindor's heir, Harry Potter et cetera) and they gazed at each other with huge, sappy eyes and kissed against a backdrop of sun… and all the facts were so messed up that you couldn't find a speck of truth in them.

Merlin. He really needed to stop reading his mother's magazines.

Cedric noticed that he hadn't inhaled for at least a minute, and that he didn't seem to need it. He made a small effort to breathe regularly; it wouldn't do to have people discover his apparent non-death. He felt strangely self-conscious about it, too…

"Hello, kid," the buff guy said, a speculative grin – like a cat with the canary between its paws – on his face.

"Er, hello," Cedric said, making an awkward, half-hearted wave with one hand. "Who are you?"

That grin was a little frightening, Cedric thought. He looked like the Weasley twins _combined_.

"Emmett Cullen, at your service," the vampire said. "My sister saw that you might be in need of assistance."

Cedric nodded thoughtfully, refusing to acknowledge the foreboding feeling that came over him as the vampire kept staring at him with the oddest look on his face.

"Thank you, Emmett. Send my regards to your sister, then."

The vampire – Emmet, he corrected himself – gave him another weird look. Cedric shifted nervously. Emmett's grin widened.

"I never thought I'd meet someone who talks like Edward," Emmett exclaimed suddenly, placing a cool hand on Cedric's shoulder.

Well, what he had expected to be a cold hand – Emmett was hardly any colder than Cedric.

He'd never read anything about the side-effects of botched Killing Curses before, and certainly not ones that sent his semi-alive body to another continent.

Come to think of it… Cedric glanced back at what he had thought was a potion gas cloud (which, despite the name, were living creatures, and resulted from the most severe potions accidents).

There was no potion gas cloud.

It was a whale.

A _huge_ whale. And he could have sworn that it was giving him the evil eye.

And was that a flower pot on its head?

Now, Cedric knew little about non-magical creatures, but he knew enough to know that whales did not randomly fall from the sky. He glanced up. The only thing he could see up there was the overcast sky. Perhaps this was a magical whale? That would explain the tug on his magic… but the whale was lying there on the street, muggles respectively crowding it and shying away. Hmm. No magical tug. No fancy colours. No nothing.

Divine intervention, indeed.

He had barely completed the thought before he looked up from the carcass and saw the most beautiful creature he had ever seen.

Or, wait… was that a mirror?

But his mirror image had rusty hair and golden eyes, and his skin was deathly pale. Yet, there was an ethereal beauty in him that Cedric failed to find in himself. The people around him – all of them vampires, he realised – faded into the background, and he could only see the face that were as astonished as his own.

Come to think of it, they all looked rather astonished, apart from the tiny, bouncing pixie-gone-vampire. Belatedly, Cedric realised that he had to look a lot like his mirror guy, too.

"I see you've noticed my dear brother over there," Emmet said. Cedric jerked around to face him again, face burning, but the blush rose slowly, as if his blood moved sluggishly through his veins.

A shadow fell over him.

"Hello," a soft, melodious voice said, and Cedric had to face it.

It was his mirror image.

The guy was taller than him.

Damn it.

Cedric hated being shorter than people, and now it had happened thrice in five minutes.

That was just… unfair.

"Er, hello," Cedric muttered, staring up at him. Just an _inch_. A tiny one.

And now he couldn't think of anything to say. Damn it again.

"I'll leave you to get to know each other," Emmett flashed a grin, backing off with his hands lifted when Edward hissed at him.

Cedric would have thought he was wonky, had he not know Edward for what he was the moment he saw him.

Wonky. Hah.

Edward seemed strangely amused, Cedric realised, and he frowned at him.

Edward frowned back.

Mirror, Cedric insulted him silently.

Edward's eyebrows lifted.

Merlin, couldn't the guy just say something?

"You're British," Edward said.

Cedric felt like bashing his head against a wall. Even vampires seemed to have a habit of stating the obvious.

"Yes, I'm British," Cedric said, a wry grin on his face.

Edward brushed a hand through his hair, shifting his feet as he sent Cedric a sheepish grin. Suddenly, he exclaimed, "We look very similar, don't we?"

Cedric sighed – what _was_ it about stating the obvious that appealed so to the masses?

Edward pouted, as if telling him, 'you wanted me to say something'.

With a tiny flicker of envy, Cedric knew that the same expression would look petulant and childish on his own face. Edward made it look sexy.

A small grin tried to hide on Edward's face. Cedric frowned.

"Have you ever heard of Legilimency?" Cedric said slowly, trying to remember anything from the short paragraph he had read on the subject of Mind Arts, in particular Occlumency.

Ironically, nothing came to mind.

Edward shook his head and shifted his feet after standing still for too long again. Muggles had to be stupid not to realise how… not-human they were, Cedric thought.

"So," Edward said, eyes flitting across Cedric's face. "Would you like to go for a coffee?"

Cedric lifted an eyebrow. Why would Edward go for a coffee when he couldn't drink it?

"How do you-" Edward started, only to break himself off.

The last piece of the puzzle clicked into place.

_Edward_, he thought, slightly cross, _are you invading my mind_?

Edward pouted again, but nodded.

"It's not like I can help it," Edward muttered, giving a little cough. "And we could go get a coffee so that you could have something to fidget with. Humans like fidgeting," he said, pointing at Cedric's nose decisively. Cedric's eyes crossed.

"All right," Cedric said, still looking at Edward's finger. "Coffee it is, then." He patted his pockets. "Your treat, I'm afraid."

*

Alice stared at her brother and the brother clone as they walked towards a coffee shop at the end of the street. Emmett whistled.

"I thought Rosalie was the narcissist," he said, grinning like the devil he was.

Rosalie sniffed.

"Couch," she said.

Emmet looked like a kicked puppy.

*

"So," Edward started.

Cedric fidgeted with his paper coffee cup.

"We look alike, and we're both… well, your heart barely beats," Edward said.

"You can say 'dead'," Cedric said. "I was hit by… something that sort-of-killed me but not quite."

Edward scrunched his nose up in confusion adorably, smiling slightly at Cedric's thought.

"Hmm… Suffice to say, I died when I was seventeen," Cedric said, and Edward lit up.

"I did too!"

Strange thing to be elated over, Cedric thought. Then again, the guy seemed to be searching for a common ground. The whole being dead thingy seemed to be it.

Of three things, Cedric was sure. One, Edward was a vampire. Two, he was fucking hot. And three, he looked a lot like Cedric.

Which was why he wasn't entirely sure why he agreed to join Edward in his car. As if it wasn't enough that he had barely been inside a car before, he was pretty sure Edward drove twice the speed limit.

"Where are we going?" Cedric said, his fingers clenched so tightly they were white as he tried not to look at his flashing-by surroundings.

"Forks," Edward said.

"Really?" Cedric said, eyebrows lifting. "What happened to Knives?"

"Cut off the map, I suppose."

"Haha. Very funny."

"You set yourself up for that one."

*

"Well," Carlisle said after he had examined him, "you seem to have been frozen in time."

Cedric hardly batted an eye – in a world of time turners and levitation you had to learn to adapt to new magical phenomena all the time, and he supposed this was no different. Although he had never heard of anyone frozen in time before.

"Your heart is beating – very slowly, might I add," Carlisle continued. "Only a few times a minute. In fact, everything seems to have slowed down. The reason you feel no hunger is due to your incredibly slow metabolism at the moment. You shouldn't be able to stay awake."

The other Cullens were crowded around them, looking at him as if he was the most curious thing they had seen in years – come to think of it, in a place like this, he probably was. Apart from the whale.

Cedric shrugged. "Magic," he said.

Edward looked particularly worried.

"So he'll age?" he asked his father, eyes swirling with a strange emotion. Alice frowned, her eyes misting over.

"Yes," Carlisle said, glancing carefully at Edward for a moment, as if trying to tell him something of vital importance. "You will age, but very slowly. If I were to guess how long you would live… about sixty times of your expected age?

"So I get to keep him?" Edward said excitedly, looking as if he was about to start bouncing. Cedric seemed torn between amusement and aggravation.

Alice giggled ominously.

* * *

**Tyan's prompt:** "Cedric/Edward. They meet when a giant whale appears out of nowhere in the middle of the city. As one of the awed, curious spectators, they see each other, and go, '................ o_O' or something like that. Like you would react if you met your double. So, yes. Cedric/Edward. Whale."  
**A.N:** …Well. Well... Er, well. Sorry for murdering your brain?


	2. There's Always a Bigger Fish

**Notes:** I really didn't intend to continue, but it was itching me. New prompt from Tyan, although I'm missing some of the things. They'll have to wait for next time. Chapter title caused by Star Wars, which I don't own.

* * *

**2. There's Always a Bigger Fish**

Cedric sighed as Edward grabbed his plate the moment he was done eating. It really was annoying when he did that. Cedric – no matter that he was fine with the whole vampire thingy – preferred holding a human pace, thank you very much, and it was disconcerting to wake up with clothes laid out for him, not having to clean his own (and lone) plate, not being the most stunning male around… Ahem.

He had no illusions about the Cullens' intentions for him and Edward – really, how subtle was "can I keep him?" – but he found that he was a little aggravated about the whole situation, likable vampires or not.

First and foremost, there was the little issue of Edward having a penis. Now, Cedric, gentleman that he was, had only minor experiences of a sexual sort, but he was rather sure of his _sparkling_ heterosexuality. And wasn't Edward born in a time where non-heterosexuality was quite the scandal? Had his lack of copulation for a hundred years or so made him so desperate as to drool at the prospect of sex, opposite gender or not? (Not that it was a realistic prospect, he told himself. An answering snort sounded from the kitchen.)

Secondly, Edward reminded him a bit of a cat: great vision, staying up all night, staring at him like he was some sort of treat and looking as if he wanted to be _petted_.

That was just plain scary.

Then there was the stalking thing. Edward had tried to deny it, upon which Cedric had complained about his proximity wards going off all the time, which indicated that Edward had, no matter his insistence to the contrary, crossed the perimeter of his bed. And when Cedric had put on a show of freaking out over random people sneaking into his bed, Edward had contritely bowed his head and pouted, as if that made everything better.

It did. But only a little.

Edward could be as handsome as he wanted. Not that he was. But even if he was, it wasn't as if Cedric would care.

And besides, when it came to the universe, Edward's sexiness really didn't matter, big picture and all that jazz.

Merlin, Emmett was having a bad influence on him…

_You know, the vampire is rather appealing_, a voice told him.

And all of a sudden, Edward was right there, staring into his eyes.

"Excuse me?" Edward said silently, frowning at him.

Cedric blinked. Edward groaned.

"Don't blink," he told Cedric. "I need to see more…"

"I thought you didn't need eye contact."

"It helps."

A tiny frown appeared on Cedric's face, but he tried to follow orders. After a minute or so, eyes burning like an ice skating rink in hell, he blinked.

Edward growled.

"Shut it," Cedric snapped. "It's not like I'm a vampire, you know!"

"Not for long…" Edward muttered to himself. Cedric scowled at him.

Edward flashed into the kitchen and back, holding his phone up to his ear.

"Carlisle?" Edward said, waiting a little. "No, no trouble. It's just…" He glanced at Cedric for a moment, and proceeded to talk far too quickly for the human ear.

Cedric's scowl deepened.

Not enough that the guy could read his every thought – some revolving about Edward's not-so-questionable sexiness (and sure, there his mouth twisted at the ends again!) – now he also kept what he found to himself.

And that worried him. More than he wanted to admit. Though Edward knew that already, the bastard.

He had barely thought it before Edward's chest leaned against his back and wrapped cold arms around him.

"It'll be fine," Edward said soothingly, which did nothing to allay his concerns. "Carlisle is coming with some tests we'd like you to fill out, and-"

"Tests?" Cedric interrupted, jerking out of Edward's hold. Well, trying – vampire strength as it was, Edward probably didn't notice. "What tests? What will be all right?"

Edward dragged him closer, as if _he_ was the one needing reassurance.

"There's a voice in your head that doesn't belong there," he said. "And it's not a memory or anything. It's… a personality, of sorts."

Cedric frowned.

"You think I'm mad?"

Being mad wasn't all that unusual in the Wizarding world – there was only so many times cousins could intermarry before it had severe consequences, after all – but it was generally assumed to be a genetic trait, like with the Blacks, or at least the result of a spell.

He'd never imagined being insane before.

"Of course not," Edward said, holding him closer.

The bastard was taking advantage of his distress, Cedric thought. At the moment, he didn't really mind.

*

He was sure he was dreaming. He had a vague recollection of going to sleep while they waited for Carlisle to come back from work, so that made sense.

What didn't make sense was the oily little guy crouching in a corner.

"Excuse me," Cedric said, approaching him with wary steps, "but who are you?"

The guy, hiding behind his arms, peeked up at him.

"I'm not dead?" the oily man said weakly.

"You're not dead," Cedric said. _I think_. "You're just… living inside my head."

The oily man lightened up and threw himself at Cedric's feet, muffled exclamations of 'thank you's and 'master' and more disturbing things he'd rather not contemplate.

"I am in your debt, mister," the oily man said once he'd gathered himself from the floor. Cedric was stunned – that was the same mental voice that had called Edward appealing!

At that thought, a burst of anger ignited in his chest. How dare this guy appear in his mind – and how _dare_ he call Cedric's vampire appealing?

Something shook him violently, and Cedric shot awake, head colliding with Edward's very, very hard chin. He fell back on the sofa, clutching his head.

"Ouch," he muttered, glaring balefully at Edward. Edward shrugged, as if pointing out that it wasn't his fault. "Could you at least get me some ice?"

Edward smirked, holding out his hand.

Cedric grumbled to himself, but accepted his offer, if somewhat reluctantly.

"Carlisle is here," Edward said, petting his hair. Cedric leaned into the touch. (And there he was, calling Edward a scary cattish person… Hmm, he might retract a few of the bad things he'd thought about him if he continued stroking his head like that…)

*

"I don't think this is as simple as a mental disorder," Carlisle said, frowning. "You have had no encounters with this personality before your… death, correct?"

Cedric shook his head.

"The weirdest thing is that he looks like the guy who threw the curse at me."

Carlisle tapped his chin, staring at him intently.

"Hmm. Curious." Tap. Tap. "Is there any chance that he could create an echo of himself of sorts, if this curse failed? If I am correct, this has to do with soul magic, and from what I've heard that's risky business."

Edward wrinkled his nose adorably, and Carlisle's words fuzzed into a soft blanket of background noise.

"Mr Diggory?"

Cedric tore his wide eyes away from Edward's face, looking guiltily at Carlisle.

"Er, sorry?" Cedric said, scratching his head sheepishly. Carlisle sighed.

"Edward might be able to remove it," Carlisle repeated, "but he has little experience in healing minds instead of simply listening in on them."

Cedric opened his mouth, but Edward cut him off.

"I don't want any strangers in my boyfriend's head," Edward said.

Cedric sputtered.

"Bo- Boyfriend?!" he choked out, glaring at Edward. "Where do you get off saying things like that?"

"Nowhere, apparently," Edward muttered sourly. "I don't believe I can remove it. I'm not present in minds, more like a… ghost, you could say."

Carlisle froze in his thinking stance, unblinking, and Edward sighed.

"Come on," Edward said, taking Cedric's hand. "When he's in Vampire Doctor Mode, there's no getting him out of it until he's solved it."

*

Cedric was still a little miffed three hours later, even after Edward had bribed him with chocolate and he had watched Star Wars ("You can't _not_ have watched Star Wars!") for the first time.

"There's always a bigger fish…" Cedric muttered to himself, glancing at Edward.

"Are you saying I'm a fish?" Edward said, one of his eyebrows lifting.

Cedric grinned mischievously.

"If you were a fish… You'd be a rose fish," he concluded.

Edward's other eyebrow lifted, too.

"Why?"

"When they're young they are brown, and when they're older they turn red – and just look at your hair! So, you're a middle-aged rose fish."

"Nonsense. I know of no rose fishes that are more than a hundred year old."

"I know of a cradle robber rose fish, though."

"Shut it."

Cedric grinned, having found his winning card at last.

_Old man_.

Edward crossed his arms petulantly, scowling at him.

"I said _shut it_."

* * *

**Prompt:** "Wine, book store, 'Don't worry, you're not dead, you're just living inside my head' and... socks."**  
Notes:** Fishes just for Tyan. Red ones. And yes, Cedric is a Horcrux – Pettigrew's botched AK killed Pettigrew, but a piece of his soul tore away to rush into the closest and easiest vessel (via the curse). Something like that. Make up your own logic.


	3. Draw Like a Kuchiki

**Notes:** I'm a bit like a dolphin – they sleep with one half of their brain at a time, while I write with one half at a time. The creative half is active for five minutes, then the logical takes over for another five, and so on.

Or so it would seem.

Warning for lots of magical-medical mumbo jumbo and way too much dialogue. (All the things Discovery and National Geographic Channel can do to you.) Cut in half for the sake of a faster update. I'm a bit… stuck, you see.

My beta is gone, so feel free to poke me.

* * *

**3 - Draw Like a Kuchiki**

Carlisle seemed to have found his call in life.

No, it was not doctoring.

It was lecturing.

"The soul is closely connected to the body," Carlisle said, pointing at a random medical poster with a hand-drawn bubble around the half-skinless person it depicted. "When you die, your soul is released," he drew a few squiggles above the line with his red marker pen, "according to the traditional Pureblood beliefs."

"How do you know?" Cedric said, looking at him curiously – as far as he knew, Carlisle was a muggle vampire, not a magical one.

"I lived during the witch hunts," Carlisle said, shaking his head with an amused chuckle. "There was one in particular who seemed to return every time they burned her…"

Edward startled, looking at Carlisle with a strange expression on his face. Cedric heard a soft, dark laughter in his throat.

"Persistent, much?" Edward said, making a sound of disgust at Carlisle's memories. "I don't see the thrill in being burned."

"Well, you know the drill - _burn, baby, burn_!" Emmett's voice boomed through the room.

Cedric fell off the sofa. Edward scowled at Emmett for disturbing his intended mate. Carlisle misplaced a red squiggle, and frowned at his medical poster.

"Thrown out of bed again?" Edward sniped, and Emmett growled a little, flipping Edward the finger as he flashed outside and disappeared, off to the woods to hunt.

_Bingo_, Cedric thought. Edward's eyes flickered to him, and he thought he saw the shadow of a smile.

Cedric blanched as he realised just how little he had seen of Emmett and Rosalie. He wasn't sure he wanted to know what they were doing, either.

"Got it in one," Edward muttered. "I wish I didn't."

Cedric felt blood rise sluggishly to his cheeks, and Edward leaned closer, sniffing at his neck. A groan built in his throat, and Cedric reddened even more.

"You smell so good," Edward breathed, inhaling sharply. Cedric wrinkled his nose.

"You make me sound like a drug," he said, leaning back. Edward followed.

"Hmm," he hummed. "_My_ drug."

Carlisle coughed, a little miffed to be broken off in his important theories, and Cedric frowned guiltily, putting his hands on Edward's chest to remove him. Edward smirked, moving even closer.

"Haven't had my entire prescription yet," he whispered into Cedric's neck.

"Edward!" Carlisle snapped. "Stop this at once!"

Edward growled, sending his Sire a hostile glare. At this, Carlisle's stern face softened, and they kept eye contact. After a little while, Edward sighed; Cedric had barely felt the puff of air against his neck before he found himself tilting through the air, only to end up on Edward's lap. A heavy blush rose to Cedric's cheeks – rather, it would, at some later time.

Damn. The delayed-processes thingy was really annoying.

"_As I was saying_," Carlisle said, voice stiff and expression peeved. "When a person dies, the tie between their body and soul is severed. The Killing Curse, according to my sources, is an unstable piece of soul magic designed to sever this tie prematurely. When it was unsuccessful, it released a large amount of magical energy in the previous location of your body, which could have Apparated you here, where there are copious amounts of wild magical energy. That would also explain the whale, come to think of it…"

Cedric smiled and nodded, glancing down at Edward, who was nibbling on his shoulder. He didn't seem to have a clue, either. (And really, Edward's tongue was put to _much_ better use exactly where it was.)

_Hungry?_

Edward grinned, licking along Cedric's clavicle.

"Oh, for Heaven's sake!" Carlisle hissed, whooshing to the kitchen door. "Find me when you have matured enough to care about Cedric's health!"

Edward winced as the door handle broke and the kitchen door and another door slammed almost simultaneously, but he kept on with the nibbling.

"Have you always had a penchant for making people angry?" Cedric said, half-heartedly shoving at Edward's head. (_Why_ did his shoulder have to be his weak spot?)

Teeth scraped carefully against his skin, and Cedric groaned.

"Fucking bastard," he muttered, putting his arms on Edward's thighs to steady himself.

"Not a bastard per say," Edward said. "But fucking, _that_ I can do."

"No thanks." Cedric carefully extracted his own limbs from Edward's, backing up a little.

"Now who's a cold-hearted bastard…"

Cedric's eyebrows lifted, and Edward smiled sheepishly.

"Oh, right," Edward said, scratching his hair, but still followed Cedric's movement closely.

"I'm not even sure it's possible in my state," Cedric said, edging backwards. Edward growled, closing in on him with an evil grin.

"Want to find out?"

"Carlisle!" Cedric exclaimed, glancing hurriedly behind himself for an exit. "He said it had something to do with my health!"

Edward had a decidedly predatory glint in his eyes, and Cedric felt a pang of hurt in his chest.

"I could be dying, and all you care about is trying to seduce me!" He huffed, suddenly inexplicably angry.

He _really_ hated the delayed reactions. Not knowing why he was angry made the whole thing lose its point. His anger started to drain away, and one look at Edward's tormented face told him that he'd be drowning in guilt at about dinnertime.

"I'm sorry, Edward," he said, feeling the blush he had waited for earlier starting to set in fully. Edward embraced him. His shirt itched against Cedric's nibbled shoulder.

"Shush," Edward said, breathing into his hair (or sniffing him, he wasn't sure which). "I should be the one apologising, and there you are, saying you're sorry." He inhaled deeply. "You're wonderful."

Cedric smiled a little – then, he frowned, putting a hand to his head.

"Are you chewing on my hair?" he demanded. Edward smirked.

"Well, you're good enough to eat… but, no?"

"If I find out you're lying, Edward Cullen –"

"Carlisle!" Edward exclaimed, whooshing past Cedric, stopping briefly to contemplate the broken door handle before shoving the door down. "We better find him!"

"Edward!"

*

"Magical beings are rather interesting," Carlisle said. "Their magic is almost like a second physiology. Magic can urge their bodies to heal, or to hurt. And magical accidents can kill more easily than dangerous chemicals, though they're also more easily revertible.

"Sadly, I don't have that type of expertise. Cedric's cellular processes have slowed, but because of his magic it has not affected his basic functions _that_ much, which is why he can move around normally and has – for the most part – normal responses to external stimulation, though they are slower," Carlisle said. He looked at Cedric with an expression that dared him to lie. "Have you been feeling more tired lately?"

"Now that you mention it…" Cedric hesitated, glancing up at Edward - he had insisted Cedric stay on his lap, facing each other – and thereby giving Edward access to his shoulder. "I've been sleeping a lot – even more than I did when I was… alive."

Carlisle nodded, and Edward gasped.

"No," he whispered, wrapping his arms around Cedric as if to shield him from Carlisle's words.

"Your cells from before the curse deteriorate at a regular pace, while the new ones regenerate at a slower rate. Also, your blood is unable to carry enough oxygen to your muscles and brain when you move." Carlisle took a deep breath, despite not needing it. "There may be a few weeks before… your body starts shutting down. Sooner or later you will develop severe brain damage. The only reason you're still conscious is because of your magic."

Cedric stared at him, shaking his head.

"So it was all for nothing," he said. "Second survivor of the Killing Curse, and it's all for nothing."

"Not for nothing," Edward muttered stubbornly, hugging Cedric closer. "I _won't_ let you go."

"I'm not your possession," Cedric said, casting Edward an annoyed glance. Edward shrank back, and Cedric sighed, nuzzling Edward's hair. Really, Edward was the _epitome_ of eternal teenage angst. "I'm sorry, Edward. I just… I don't fancy dying quite yet."

"I could turn you," Edward insisted, burying his face in Cedric's neck. "I would do anything."

What frightened Cedric the most was that he believed him.

"Silly vampire …" he said, wrapping his arms around Edward's head, brushing his fingers through his hair.

In the background, Carlisle sighed again.

"Honestly," Carlisle muttered to himself, raising his voice to be taken notice of. "Your only chance is being turned," he said dramatically, attracting their sporadic attention. "Regardless, your coming days will be painful."

"You're saying I have to die?" Cedric said. Edward held his waist, brushing his hands up and down in a comforting pattern.

"I'm saying that you already are, in a manner of speaking. Your body simply hasn't realised it yet."

"That's not what I meant."

"The venom will burn away the other soul fragment, and preserve your body. If we do not act quickly, there won't be anything left to heal. It will take a long time, considering your heart rate. The next few weeks during the change will be agony, but is it better to leave behind what you have found here?"

Cedric found that he didn't have an answer to that.

*

A thin strip of sun peered cautiously through the clouds above the horizon, colouring the world in soft, yellowed pastels. Above the treetops a gradient of pink and orange, with the slightest tint of green in the middle of the warm colours and the blue, stretched towards the zenith of the sky.

"Cedric?" Edward said, putting a glittering hand on his arm. "Are you all right?"

Cedric sighed, closing his eyes wearily as he shifted his weight from the balustrade to rest against Edward's chest.

"Just sparkling," he said wryly, wrapping Edward's silly glittering arms around himself. "_Twinkling_, in fact."

"That's not my fault."

"It's still silly."

The date for Cedric's turning had been scheduled. It would be during the weekend, likely spilling over into the week because of his reduced heartbeat. Edward would call in sick at school – he insisted that he had to stay, saying that he'd gone through school enough times to recount it all word by word, and besides, it would back up their humanity to other people. (None of the Cullens – apart from Edward – had ever called in sick, which was quite the blunder, Cedric thought, regardless of sunny camping trips.)

"Ah, cheer up, Ceddy. You'll be like… a frog!" Emmett's barking laughter rang in his ears, and Cedric turned his head, feeling his heart jerk – he hadn't heard him approach. Edward looked particularly sour at the interruption, practically shoving Cedric back inside to avoid his brother.

"What?" Cedric said, looking from amused face to increasingly annoyed face in confusion as he was jostled over to the sofa group, where Rosalie and Alice was watching a TV show on ancient ruins. Emmett grinned gleefully, crossing his arms as he leant against the terrace door.

"It's like the fairy tale!" Emmett said. "Now you look human and all, and you're kinda the frog – no offense, but you're _human_. And when Princess Edward kisses you–"

Edward growled. Cedric tried to protect Edward's masculinity by not laughing, with mediocre success. Even Rosalie's lips twitched.

Emmett's shit-eating grin spread across his entire face, and Edward stomped back outside, followed by Emmet's boisterous laugh as the huge lug raced after him.

"Wrestling!" he shouted, wrecking yet another door on his way out.

Cedric shook his head, exchanging an exasperated glance with Rosalie as he wondered how the Cullens had _any_ doors left.

Though Rosalie wasn't one of the most sociable women he had met (to be fair, most tended to turn into simpering idiots around him, in particular at Hogwarts), he had found the blonde vampiress tolerable once she found out he wasn't going to be human for much longer. At least, that's what he thought was the reason. (She'd hissed something that sounded a lot like "Bella" when he first spoke with her, but he had no idea where she would have met Bellatrix. It would explain her dislike of magic, though…)

"Esme is away," she said, smirking. Cedric had to suppress a wince – Rosalie smirking was one of the scariest things of the paranormal world. "They have to use the washing machine themselves, presuming their clothes are usable after their little _tumble_."

"I'll get the camera!" Alice bounced off the sofa, only to return two seconds later with camera in hand.

Ten minutes later, the two Cullen brothers returned, covered in splintered wood and mud.

"Plebeians," Rosalie muttered, studying their tattered shirts. "Not even leaving us with a smidgen of washing machine entertainment."

Cedric stared inconspicuously at Edward's chest, nodding vaguely at her comment. Frankly, he found Edward's chest far better entertainment than watching him trash a washing machine.

Edward had the nerve to grin at him.

* * *

**Notes:** Carlisle is Twilight's Dumbles, without the manipulation and the sweets. And the beard. He has the twinkle, though. Do not mock the twinkle, or the sparkle will blend you. And he likes to whoosh, though Edward's the main whoosher.

Title is a reference to Rukia's drawing skillz, because Carlisle's aren't any better. At least not here. (Kuchiki Rukia of _Bleach_, that is…)

I used only one of Tyan's prompts here: _frog_. The rest will be unknown until they appear next time. Till then…


	4. The Evilness of People Called Bella

**Notes:** Late, I know. University, new city, stuff like that. It happens. I wrote this even though I have to hand in a _huge_ assignment by tomorrow, so no complaining is allowed. Unless it's constructive.

Not as long as I'd like it to be, either. Aff. Though it has a corny title, if that helps?

* * *

**3 - The Evilness of People Called Bella**

"_If I was granted one dying wish_," Alice had said, "_I'd have gone shopping!_"

Despite wondering what she would have done with her ante-mortem shopping after she was dead (presuming there was no vampirism involved), Cedric found himself trailing after the Terror-of-Shops called Alice, eyes flicking in search of an escape while Edward sent him compassionate looks. Jasper was smiling indulgently, eyes tracking Alice while scouting their surroundings, barely letting his attention stray from her small figure as she inspected the shelves of yet another shop, a slight frown marring her brow.

It was a rainy Thursday. Tomorrow was the last day of his life. The last day of his _semi-life_, he corrected himself; and after tomorrow, he would eventually become undead. Vampire. Nightwalker. Well, technically a daywalker, but that was a matter of semantics.

Although come to think of it, there was a huge difference between burning in the sun and sparkling. (He wasn't quite sure which he would have preferred, were he to choose. Burning was more… _manly_.)

Alice dragged them past a book store with threats of mental images (Edward) and prolonged shopping (Cedric), even though Jasper presumably sent one of the books on a distant shelf a longing glance. He looked like he was suffering.

"Crowds," Edward corrected him, leaning closer. "We'll escape to the book store once she's picked out a few things. She said shopping – not _clothes_ shopping."

"Sometimes I love semantics," Cedric muttered, smiling slightly as Edward threw an arm over his shoulders and chuckled, ignoring the curious glances sent their way by unknowing pedestrians.

"Sometimes I do, too."

Cedric was wearing a variant of the Incognitus charm, designed to make someone's appearance difficult to remember, which would aid their credibility to whichever story if Cedric was able to return to society after his turning. (The rumour was that he had some possibly terminal disease, and he had to admit that his body had taken on a gaunt appearance since his arrival – he looked just as sick as they thought he was.)

Edward had tried to convince Carlisle that it wasn't safe to bring Cedric out among other people, but Alice had apparently asked Carlisle to make a speech why they should go the day before – hence, they were gifted with the condemning words: "fluctuating magical fields will not affect regular humans. Beat it."

It was nice to be out in public again, he had to admit. Being sequestered away in a residence as nice as the Cullens' wasn't the worst thing Cedric could imagine, but he had never dealt well with constraints, be they mental or physical. No matter how little pressure the Cullens wanted to put on him, it still felt like a mountain. Being terminally ill was one thing – being _un_dead was an entirely different matter, and cool side-effects aside, he was wondering whether he was making the right decision. Doubting it, in fact. (_Sorry, Edward,_ he thought as Edward's arm tightened around him.) It would mean quite the upheaval in his life.

Cedric didn't deal well with upheavals. The last time he had one, he ended up dying in a place named after cutlery.

Speaking of upheavals... A dark-haired girl was eyeing them warily, shifting her feet as if she wanted to approach them. She looked frail, and her shoulders hung forward, one hand clutching her bare arm – practically screaming out for a white knight to come to her rescue. Her eyes flitted away as she noticed Cedric looking at her, and a flush rose up her neck.

She really shouldn't wear so dark clothes, Cedric thought. Edward glanced at him, lips curving slightly in amusement that dissipated the moment he noticed the object of Cedric's gaze.

The girl, apparently deciding that being discovered warranted an approach, shuffled over as inconspicuously as possible.

"Subtle", Edward murmured.

_As an elephant_, Cedric agreed.

"Er, hi, Edward."

The dark-haired girl shifted uncomfortably as more than one gaze set upon her – approaching the Cullens, or anyone associated with them, was not a regular occurrence. Cedric noted that, albeit pale, her cheeks were steadily turning bright red.

"Isabella?" Edward frowned, nose scrunching up in a way that made him look oddly aristocratic. "Hello."

The girl frowned. Somehow, Cedric thought Edward had just lost himself some brownie points – on purpose. It didn't escape his notice that Edward seemed to have tensed up, his arm tightening around Cedric's shoulder just a little too much.

_Ouch_, Cedric thought. Edward loosened his hold a bit, but looked acutely possessive.

"So..." Isabella said, hands fidgeting as she took in their positions, seeming puzzled by Edward's half-embrace. "Who's this, then?"

"Cedric," Edward said. "My boyfriend."

Cedric opened his mouth to protest, but Edward's fingers clenched around his shoulder, and he bit his lip to silence a pained moan as he sent a glare at him. Edward didn't meet his eyes, staring at Isabella with what seemed to be a challenge.

The girl looked torn – part crestfallen, part murderous. Cedric wondered whether she was an ex of his, but Edward shook his head minutely, sending him a small smile. Cedric hadn't noticed the tendrils of jealousy lacing his thoughts before then, but Edward's arm, though hugging him closer, suddenly felt less restrictive.

"Boyfriend?" Isabella said, gaping. "But I thought..."

She trailed off, and Edward lifted an eyebrow.

"You thought what?" he said.

Isabella flushed.

"Nothing," she murmured, staring at the floor. "Nice meeting you, Cedric,"

Cedric was very aware that she didn't as much as look at Edward before she rushed away. Edward seemed... conflicted.

"What was that all about?" Cedric said.

"She was menstruating," Edward muttered, shaking his head. "Smells _horrible_ to a vampire, even as my singer."

"That's not what I'm talking about."

"What is it, then?"

Cedric frowned, slapping him lightly on the shoulder.

"You're crushing me," Cedric said. "And the 'poor, innocuous vampire orphan' routine doesn't work on me."

"It used to."

"Neither does diversions," Cedric insisted. Edward nibbled at his shoulder, and Cedric let his head fall back a little. "Well, not much," he amended.

"It's already working."

Cedric sighed, glancing around them, before he suddenly perked up. He sent Edward a conspiring grin.

"See Alice anywhere?" he said suggestively, pushing subtlety out of the window. Edward lifted his eyebrows.

They slipped into a labyrinth of shelves just as a short brunette peeked out from an underwear store, scowling.

"Jasper," she said, a smirk growing on her face like fungus. He looked up from the myriad of bags around him with a questioning glance. "Project something on them later, would you? They can't just get away with something like that."

Jasper didn't say anything, but his grin spoke for itself.

-

When he finally found Edward, hiding in the back of the store and immersed in a thick, white book, he bent down in front of him to read the title.

'_W. B. Yeats – The Poems'_, it said, in big, red letters.

"Poetry?" Cedric blinked. "You read poetry?"

Edward drew the book against his chest, eyeing Cedric suspiciously before he shook his head, sniffing arrogantly.

"In my time," Edward said, flicking Cedric's nose, "poetry was considered _sophisticated_, not girly."

"In _your_ time, women didn't have voting rights and people like us were outlawed."

"Psh," Edward waved the insult away. "Humans. So fickle."

Cedric merely looked at him.

"Not you of course, dear."

"_Of course_."

Edward grinned hopefully.

Cedric found far too much amusement in the fact that Edward pouted like a spoiled brat when he walked away instead of giving him a kiss (which he'd contemplated in a moment of weakness), trailing over to the history section.

"I heard that!" Edward snapped.

"Good," Cedric replied, "it's true."

-

Just as they were leaving the book store with a bag filled to its breaking point, Edward chuckled.

"On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone will drop to zero," Edward said. It sounded suspiciously like a quote. "That's because it is," Edward conceded. "From _Fight Club_. But he does have a point."

"No one lives forever?"

"Well, no. Shakespeare and God are doing pretty well."

"Wanker."

"Only for you."

* * *

**More notes:** Ever notice that the Twilight books have a lot of adverbs? (The road to hell is paved with adverbs, as Stephen King says. Good thing Edward thinks he's on his way there anyway.) Menstruating girls? I'd like to see Jasper's restraint around _that_…

_Incognitus_ is Latin and means "unknown".

Prompts used (as always, from Tyan): "Book store, book." Still missing: "Wine, socks, Devil's Advocate, mask."


	5. And Get a Free Cookie

**Notes:** I apologise greatly for not updating for a million years. (Two months? Yeah, something like that.) And for its shortness. There was the whole moving thing, then the whole homework thing, then, when the semester was over, the getting sick thing, and Christmas (with a bunch of relatives everywhere).

Technically, Cedric's turning would take around 180 days. So I said "Screw maths, I'm doing language." I actually had all the dates and stuff figured out. If only I figured out where I put them...

See, Edward and Cedric meet when Edman comes home from visiting the Denali coven. So it's some time in... March? And Cedric has to be turned in time for the prom. Just because. And I can't remember when that is. Gah.

**Story till now:** Cedric pops up not far from Forks, along with a whale and a flower pot. He's saved from being crushed by Emmett, and subsequently meets Edward, his almost-lookalike. In chapter two, Cedric sulks, Edward is creepy, a part of Pettigrew's soul has somehow attached itself to Cedric's, and Cedric is introduced to the pleasures of Star Wars. Third chapter, Carlisle finds his call in lecturing and drawing horribly, Cedric sulks and Edward is sappy. Emmett is being silly, which ends up in a wrestling match with Edward. Fourth chapter, the Cullens go to the mall, Cedric and Edward has an awkward meeting with Bella and Edward reads poetry. (Sounds incredibly silly when I put it like that, doesn't it?)

Join the Dark Side for chapter five…

* * *

**5 - And Get a Free Cookie**

"So _she's_ Bella?" Cedric said. "I thought you'd actually met Bellatrix."

"Bellatrix?" Alice said.

Cedric wrinkled his nose, making vague gestures with his hands. "She's like… If You-Know-Who was the devil, she'd be the Devil's Advocate. Although," he thought to add, "That might not cover it entirely."

"And she's called Bella?" Emmet asked for confirmation. Cedric nodded, whilst Edward rolled his eyes. "All girls named Bella are evil," Emmett said. "Just watch Supernatural!"

"She wasn't evil, Emmet," Jasper said, irked. "She had gone through-"

"Yadda, yadda, yadda." Emmett yawned exaggeratedly. "So have most other ruthless killers. Don't see you pitying them."

"It's not pity, and actually…"

"Jasper," Alice said, "Emmett will always Emmett."

Jasper dutifully shut up.

"Did you get a vision?" Esme asked.

Alice grinned. "The application of logic can bring you a long way, Esme. Why, you'd think I'd be useless without my abilities!"

Jasper winced as she bounced away. Esme frowned.

"I upset her."

"Indeed."

Cedric stared after her. "How can you tell?"

Esme tilted her head to the side and put a hand to her chin. "You know what," she said. "I haven't the slightest idea."

Jasper merely shook his head. He seemed determined to wait out the worst of his wife's temper.

Edward turned his attention back to Emmett. "Bella isn't any worse than Dean," Edward said, upon which Emmett opened his mouth to protest. "Oh, shut up! Bella isn't the only one who steals."

"But he does it to help people!"

"And how does stealing help people?"

Emmett looked at him for a while, before he grinned and said, "Well, he has to eat to live, and he has to live to help people."

"And the people he steals from have to get money to eat, which they need to live."

"Shut it. You just don't like Robin Hoods."

"As a matter of fact I don't."

"Fine."

"Yeah."

"Your funeral."

"Su- hey!"

Emmett grinned and flew out of his seat, rushing outside. "Wrestling!" he shouted. Edward disappeared with a whooshing sound, as did the door.

"Wrestling is a gay sport!" Jasper shouted after them, but he still followed to judge who won.

Cedric and Esme shook their heads and sighed in unison. Esme studied the empty door frame with an exasperated smile, and then turned to look at Cedric. "Want to go door shopping?" she said.

-

Ah. Friday. Day Before Turning Day. Ick. Cedric took a gulp of water, sinking further into the armchair after putting his glass back on the table.

When he opened his eyes a few minutes later, Edward was staring at him.

"Have you ever had sex, Cedric?" he said. Cedric blinked, opening and closing his mouth a few times, before he turned beet red. Edward grinned. "Why, considering you're as handsome as me-"

"Shut it," Cedric hissed, leaning forward in his chair just as he noticed Edward's fancy glass. "I'll take your wine," he said threateningly. _Beat that_.

"I think someone is a little sexually re-"

Cedric cut him off with a slight wave. "You do realise that I still have my magic?" he said smugly, grinning as he stood to grab the cup right out of Edward's immobilised hand. (Who knew kind-of-death would be good for your magic?) He lifted the cup closer to his face and sniffed, nose crunching up as he frowned. "This isn't wine," he muttered.

"No," Edward said. He had the dignity to look embarrassed at being caught off guard.

"It's… blood," Cedric muttered. "Human blood? From where?"

"The blood bank." Edward looked insulted that he'd think it was from somewhere (ahem, _someone_) else.

"And how did you get that?"

"Carlisle."

Cedric's eyebrow lifted slightly. "Carlisle's your drug dealer?"

"It's not like it's such a big deal!" Edward huffed, lower lip threatening to bulge in a pout as he studied his immobile hand with fascination, shaking it a little to see what happened. A grimace followed.

"It's less than half a litre," Cedric conceded, "But that's not my point."

"It's just a bit of... candy for the weekend," Edward said.

Cedric looked at him with a sceptic frown and shook his head. "Only you would call human blood 'candy'."

Carlisle silently walked through the room to the kitchen, shaking his head.

"Well," Edward said in a drawl as his hand finally came free from the spell (which he demonstrated with a healthy shake), "If you don't want to be drained of blood, give me my glass back." Cedric continued looking at him, unimpressed. "Come on! It's just before your turning! Of course, if you don't want to take any precautions..."

Carlisle was there in a flash, giving them a stern look. "Cedric," he said, "Your parents have told you about protecting yourself, right?"

Cedric looked up at him, caught very much off guard. "What?" he said, his brow wrinkled as he tried to connect whatever protecting himself had to do with Edward's drinking habits.

Carlisle sighed and looked upwards, before he settled on the table in front of him. He seemed to be settling into Lecture Mode, too. "When a man loves... well, a man..."

Cedric looked to Edward, eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Did you put something in his food- I mean, blood?" he said. "Edward?"

Edward smiled innocently and nodded at something Carlisle said.

"Did you bribe him?" Cedric said. Edward remained statuesque. "You did, didn't you?"

Edward smiled ominously and retreated to the kitchen.

"Edward!"

-

After a traumatising ten minutes, Cedric had managed to squiggle out of sex ed (an abbreviation that sent Edward into a bout of what he claimed wasn't giggling) while Carlisle drew disturbing stick figures on a medical poster. Edward sent him an innocent smile as he was joined in the kitchen, but Cedric kept scowling at him.

"Tea?" Edward tried.

Cedric scowled harder.

"…Chocolate?"

Cedric scowled a bit more. Then, he nodded miserably.

"Aww, poor little Cedric mine."

"Behave," Cedric muttered, "or you won't get any this weekend."

"That would only work if there was a possibility of getting any at all," Edward said matter-of-factly, putting a tea bag in a cup to infuse.

Cedric scowled.

"Let me see your pretty face, dear," Edward said. "No scowling." No reaction. "Please?" Still no reaction. "Chocolate?" Cedric's lips twitched a little before they settled into a tiny smile. Edward grinned and stole a brief kiss. "I knew you loved me."

_Dream on_, Cedric thought as he huffed into his tea cup. _Mm. Tea_.

-

"I found him, milord." The woman's dark eyes were barely glimmering in the sparse light from the fireplace. Even so, her madness was easily discerned. "One of our spies overseas found his trace, and managed to weave a spell with it."

The throne before her held a skeletal form. At first glance, it seemed to be motionless – but then, the rasping sound of breathing filled the room, echoing against the dank stones.

"Good," it said, the skin around its teeth twisting into what could have been a derogative smile, had it had lips. "And what has become of him?"

"He's weak, dying," she said. "Pettigrew's spell tainted him. But he has taken up with a vampire coven."

It scratched its chin. "Vampire coven," its rasping voice murmured. The edges of its mouth curled in a cruel grin. "Well, well," it said. "An old acquaintance of mine owes me a favour. I think we shall find it most fortuitous..."


	6. Turning Day

**Notes:** No silly sparkles. Still too short for my liking, and too long pause in writing, and I'm not all that happy with it, but my interest has waned a little, in particular since my writing style keeps changing (and I'm still about as funny as a flower pot).

Things to remember: Jasper has a socks phobia. Edward isn't getting any. Cedric is sick, so Edward's all right with the turning thing. Carlisle likes drawing squiggles on medical posters. The Dark Wizards are out to get the second survivor of the Killing Curse, aka Cedric. That's pretty much it. (Still a crackfic, so don't expect me to make much sense.)

* * *

**Still Friday (Before the Turning)**

"Oh my God!" Cedric shrieked, jumping on top of his chair to escape the floor. "A sock!"

Edward curled up on the sofa with a faint whimper, but turned his head to glare at the kitchen door.

Jasper smirked at him, while Alice leaned her head on his shoulder. "Ah," she said, giving a pleased sigh. "Revenge is _sweet_."

Jasper smiled at her, studiously refraining from looking at the sock.

"Come on," Alice said, dragging his arm. "Let's go watch a movie. I haven't seen the one with blue people yet, but…" She zoned out for a few seconds, and then smiled. "It's good. Let's see it!"

A few minutes later, Edward came whooshing to their room. "_Jasper!_"

Jasper pointed at Alice.

"_Alice!_"

"What?" Alice pouted. "It's just what you deserve, running away from us at the mall."

Edward crossed his arms (in a manly way, as he kept insisting), and huffed. Alice thought, with some amusement, that the only thing missing from his five-year-old-routine was stomping his feet.

"That's no reason to make Jasper push his irrational sock phobia at us," Edward said.

Jasper murmured something like "_completely rational_" and was subsequently ignored. "And you know it's only the white ones," he said sullenly.

Alice patted his head and continued arguing with Edward. It was mostly silent, seeing as he heard her responses and she saw his, which he heard. The vicious circle was giving him/her a headache, they thought/said, and promptly decided to retreat.

Alice rubbed her temples and sighed. "I hate it when he does that," she said.

Jasper sent her soothing vibes, silently agreeing. He didn't like missing things.

* * *

"Forget girls named Bella," Edward told Emmett some time later. "_All_ girls are evil."

"You're telling me?" Emmett muttered. "I thought you'd met my wife. She might look like an angel," his face took on a smirk, "But she couldn't be further from it." _And that's the way I like it._

Cedric wrinkled his nose, as if he didn't understand, and Edward decided to intervene before he caught up with the conversation.

"Don't you agree, Cedric?"

"Hmm?" Cedric glanced at him absentmindedly.

"All girls are evil?"

"Er." Cedric blinked. "Sure. If you say so."

"I disagree," Jasper said indignantly. "Some girls are just _moderately_ evil. There's a difference."

"Edward, darling," Cedric drawled, curling an arm around Edward's shoulders. "Why don't we go do something?"

Edward looked at him. "Such as?"

"Something that doesn't involve talking about girls." _Making out, idiot,_ he thought.

"Oh." Edward grinned. "_Oh._ Yes. Of course."

"I can tell what you're thinking," Jasper said indignantly, "And while I don't appreciate being ignored, please get the hell away from me with your…" He wrinkled his nose. "Your _vibes_."

"Oh, we will," Edward said. "Won't we, Ceddy?"

Cedric imagined kneeing him. _Never call me Ceddy again._

"Cedric. I meant Cedric. Please?"

Their voices trailed off as Edward tried to apologise without admitting to any fault, and Cedric sending amused vibes. Jasper grinned.

* * *

**Saturday (Turning Day)**

Cedric walked around the halls of Cullen Manor, as he'd come to call it, though it was hardly a manor in the traditional sense of the word.

This was it. His death. His rebirth. Nothing would be the same, not even his relationship with Edward, which had been blessedly without complications (he suspected the Thrall was affecting him a little).

He couldn't go back home any more than he could have in the beginning - his family would have been at risk from You-Know-Who, even if it would have spared them some heartache.

He stopped by an open door and looked in.

Hundreds of eyes stared back at him, and he jolted in shock.

_Dolls_, he thought, bemused. _Dolls. _What the hell?

It had to be Rosalie's. Had to be.

That's when he noticed the one that looked like a cartoon hero.

"You've got to be kidding me," he muttered.

Right. He'd just back slowly out, and-

He hit something. God damn it.

"Cedric," Emmett said. "Hi?"

Cedric stared at him. Emmett twitched.

"You know what?" Cedric said. "I'm not even going to ask."

Emmett stared back. "Good," he said.

Rosalie cleared her throat. She was standing in the hallway, right outside the door, too dignified to slouch or lean against the doorway. "Do you _mind?_" she said. "Emmett and I have… plans."

Cedric decided to disappear as quickly as possible.

Rosalie raised an eyebrow. "You know," she said, leaning against the closed door as she closed it. "I don't mind him."

Emmett looked disbelieving.

"Well," she amended, "Not _much_."

"That's more like it," Emmett said, grinning.

She put her hands around Emmett's neck and smiled, just a little. "Now," she said. "Where were we?"

* * *

Alice was fluttering around the room, giggling to herself. Emmett and Rosalie had run off to Cedric-didn't-want-to-know-where (sadly enough, he _did_ know). Jasper was sitting in the sofa by himself, sulking because of Alice's lack of attention, while Carlisle was studying a medical poster as Esme made inputs on what colours he should put on his squiggly drawing of Cedric.

Edward was frowning like a librarian.

Cedric, on the other hand, was lying on a hospital bed and reconsidering whether it was really a good idea and if he just should have died in the graveyard.

"No worries, Cedric," Edward said brightly. He was positively sparkling with enthusiasm. "It won't hurt a bit."

"Liar," Jasper muttered.

Cedric sighed. That wasn't particularly encouraging. _Merlin, _he thought. _What am I doing?_

Edward scowled. "Don't be so negative all the time," he said, shaking his finger at them in turn.

"_Someone_ has to make up for your deceased depression," Jasper said. "You used to fill the Cullen Depression Quota all by yourself."

"There's always Rosalie," Edward said, pouting a little. For once, it wasn't amusing. Cedric was too jittery to appreciate it. "You'll have all the time to appreciate my stunning appearance later, honey."

If only he got to appreciate Edward's silence more often.

"You do realise I heard that, right?"

_There's more where that came from._

"I didn't hear a thing."

_That's right. Honey._

"Right," Carlisle said, setting up his whiteboard. "I think we're just about ready."

Esme moved to stand beside him, failing to smother a grin.

The drawing was too squiggly to be of much use, and Cedric certainly didn't have a fox tail or pointed ears.

"That was Alice," Edward muttered. "She kept muttering about being a foxy Hufflepuff. What does that even mean?"

"Later," Cedric muttered back.

Carlisle cleared his throat.

"We're listening," Edward said.

"Yeah," Cedric said in a monotone. "Really."

Carlisle looked sceptical, but decided to continue anyway.

"We are gathered here today-"

"Carlisle, darling," Esme interrupted him with a hand on his arm. "You're not a priest this time."

_Priest?_ Cedric looked at Edward. His cheeks seemed to brighten.

"We don't talk about that," Edward whispered.

Cedric tried to imagine Edward as a priest.

"_Stop it._"

"Boys," Esme said, a dangerous glint in her eyes. "Don't interrupt your father."

Edward crossed his arms, but kept quiet.

"Right," Carlisle said, frowning. "I'll just keep it short. Cedric, this is going to hurt, and we can't do anything about it, and it will probably take a while longer than it usually does. But we'll be there at the end of the tunnel."

Cedric blinked.

"Right," Carlisle muttered to himself. "We better get started then. Edward?"

Edward looked determined, but his eyes flittered across the room: standard procedure when he was uncertain.

"Edward," Cedric said. "It's been nice knowing you." He was only half-joking. Not everyone survived the metamorphosis of a Turning.

Jasper sniggered when Edward glared at him.

"Oh, it'll be fine," Alice said, sounding completely certain. Her eyes were unfocused, as if she was watching something from a great distance. Knowing her, she probably was.

Cedric trusted Alice, perhaps even more than Edward. She was intensely loyal, and not as fickle as she seemed. Edward was more likely to go on crusades for whatever caught his fancy at a certain time.

"Okay," he said. "Let's do it."

Edward tried not to smirk, but Cedric noticed.

_Idiot._

"Likewise."


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes:** Well, whaddayaknow, I started writing again out of the blue. (To my shame, the majority of this was written months ago. Facepalm-inducing stupidity on my part to leave it be.) Another crossover reminded me I had a crossover in the works, too, so here we are...

**A PROBABLY NEEDED RECAP**  
**Chapter one:** Cedric pops up not far from Forks, along with a whale and a flowerpot. (If you don't know why you're beyond scifi.) He's saved from being crushed by Emmett, and subsequently meets Edward, his insanely attractive almost-lookalike. **Chapter two:** Cedric sulks, Edward is creepy, Cedric is dying and introduced to the power of Star Wars. **Third chapter:** Carlisle likes drawing squiggles on medical posters, Cedric sulks and Edward is sappy. Wrestling match included. **Fourth chapter:** the Cullens go to the mall and meet Bella. Awkwardly. **Fifth chapter:** the inherent evilness of various Bellas is discussed. Also; blood does SO not count as a drug habit, parental almost-sex-talks, and Dark Wizards are out to get the second survivor of the Killing Curse, aka Cedric. **Sixth chapter:** ALL girls are evil. Edward doesn't fill the Cullen Depression Quota anymore. Cedric is going to be turned.

And there we are.

I'm fully aware that this story is absolutely ridiculous. In my opinion, it's its one virtue.

* * *

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

Cedric didn't remember much of his Turning. There was pain, flashes of light, periods of temporary relief, but there were no concrete moments he could pull forth and examine: it was all submersed in a hazy blur.

All he knew was that when he opened his eyes again, the world was impossibly clear and sickly bright. When he turned his head, Edward was standing beside him, eyes dark with the absence of feeding.

Cedric swung his legs over the side of his bed once Edward released the straps – no need to destroy them because he couldn't control his strength yet – and arose.

"You know," Cedric said, feeling unsteady on his feet, even knowing that he had a perfect balance. "This feels kind of like being high."

Edward looked at him dubiously. "Have you ever been high?"

"…No."

"I thought so, wimp."

"It's not as if you have."

Edward looked decidedly neutral.

"When?" Cedric's eyes narrowed as he crossed his arms.

"Not exactly," Edward said defensively. "I was young and _hungry_. How was I supposed to know he was high? Besides, I felt queasy afterwards, that's all."

"That's what you get for being stupid and irresponsible," Rosalie said from the doorway. She smiled at Cedric. "At least there's someone to take him to task now."

Cedric smiled at her. "Rosalie," he said, accepting her hand and bringing it to his lips for a formal kiss. "It's good to see you. You look well."

"And you are looking particularly dashing today, Cedric."

Cedric stole a glance at Edward; he was staring at Rosalie, looking mortified.

Rosalie grinned. "I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship," she said.

Cedric couldn't help but agree.

Edward gave a pitiful whimper.

* * *

Carlisle checked Cedric over and found nothing wrong. "And as you're a wizard to begin with, you had an easier time of it than a Muggle, as you say, would. I wonder if it's because of your bodies being used to transformations, both on a bigger and smaller scale. I'd be interested in doing some experiments if-"

"The foreign soul fragment has been dealt with," Edward said. "The buzzing is gone."

"Buzzing?" Cedric said, puzzled.

Edward waved his hand to indicate that it had to do with the mysteries of his mojo.

Rosalie rolled her eyes – mentally, of course, as she was too dignified to indulge in such a gesture. "Does this mean he's well and that I can take him shopping? His eyes need a different palette of colours now."

_I'm not sure anyone can be ready for shopping with Rosalie,_ Carlisle thought, but he said, "He's perfectly well."

Edward strangled the potential laughter with years of practice and gave Cedric his come-hither-no-_really_ look.

Cedric just looked confused; Edward stopped immediately upon seeing how silly he looked reflected in Cedric's mind.

"I guess I'll see you later, then," Cedric told Edward, and gave him a chaste kiss.

Rosalie dragged Cedric off with an evil grin, her sense of triumph reflected through Jasper's quiet presence.

Jasper grinned at him.

"Oh, shut up, you," Edward muttered.

* * *

That night, Cedric's first of many nights eternally awake, it was pouring again. Of course, that happened often, but this was a particular kind of downpour that reminded him of home, overcast and heavy.

Shopping with Rosalie had kept him distracted during the day, but night time always sent his mind down darker paths.

He missed his parents. The memories of Hogwarts, his old friends and family still stung, dulled by time like broken bones aching in the rain. If they knew what he was, he wasn't sure they would miss him in return, or that they'd even admit that he was Cedric, regardless of the circumstances.

"What's with the sad face?"

Cedric looked up at Emmett. The big boar of a man had a quite impressive silhouette, and had Cedric been anything but a vampire, he might have been afraid of him. Emmett had barely made a sound as he approached – nothing he would not have noticed when human – and the clouds obscured the moon. No shadows stepped out of the dark – it looked like a flat picture, darkness destroying any sense of three-dimensional space. When he had grown more used to his new senses, perhaps he would be able to see more, but as things were…

"I'm wondering what my old friends would think of me now," Cedric said. "According to the Ministry of Magic, I'm not even a person anymore."

Emmett hmm'd.

"Garlic and stake in the heart?"

"More like throwing poppy seeds at me." Cedric chuckled. "Wizarding Britain may be horribly superstitious, but Muggle pop culture isn't necessarily based on tradition. Wizarding Britain, on the other hand, tends to be very fond of it."

Edward stepped out onto the porch, giving Emmett a brief nod as he walked toward Cedric. Cedric smiled, sinking in to the embrace despite Emmett's fake retching noises.

Cedric hesitated a little before continuing his narrative. "You aren't really vampires," Cedric said. Their eyebrows rose in question, as if saying, oh, really? "In the Wizarding world you'd be considered a failed turning - Muggle vampires. It's entirely different."

Edward frowned.

"Really?" he said, thinking for a moment as he examined Cedric's mindset. "I suppose that makes sense."

"You're not mad at me for calling you a failure?"

"I know you think I'm... bloody well perfect, wasn't it?" Edward grinned at him as Cedric groaned, turning away to hide a blush. In the background, Emmett seemingly decided to make himself scarce. "Strange... to see you blush, even after the change," Edward said. "I'm glad. You're pretty when you blush."

"_Pretty?_" Cedric slapped Edward's shoulder, more gently than he probably should, but he was too flattered to deny it.

Edward's grin slipped into a smile, and they sat in companionable silence for a while.

"I don't think of my parents often," Edward said. "In some way, I had an easier time of it than you; I didn't have to make it an actual choice, not seeing them again."

Cedric thought of Harry and his dead parents, and couldn't help but disagree.

"The passage of time dulls everything from before," Edward said. "I suppose I wouldn't know for sure."

"I'm still a Wizard," Cedric said. "My memory of them is as clear as it ever was."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not." He leaned against Edward and sighed heavily. "There's a war coming, back home," he said. "I can't help but feel that I'm hiding away like a coward."

Edward's grip tightened. "I've been hiding for so long," Edward muttered. "We walk among humans, wearing our pretty masks, and they never even realise. They consider us beautiful and magnificent; yet all I can think of when I see them is homicide."

Cedric let out a snort of laughter.

"It's not cowardice if it's out of necessity."

"Not necessarily," Cedric agreed. "But is it necessary at all?"

Edward didn't answer.

They stared out into the darkness.

* * *

Vampirism allowed him to catch up with the other students rather quickly – he had never truly realised how much of his life he'd slept away as a human. He would be enrolled in Edward's year, fake identification and education papers easily procured by a handful of money and subtle threats, the latter courtesy of Jasper. (Jasper sure looked like an angel, Cedric thought, but what was it they said about the quiet ones?)

Which was why they were approaching the ugly school building on a cloudy day, air heavy with potential rain, and a hundred school children staring at them.

Edward opened the door for him with his stupid gallant ideas.

"And through the event horizon," Cedric muttered to himself. Edward sent him a weird look, but refrained from commenting.

The rest of the Cullens left Edward and Cedric by the lockers, but Edward insisted on escorting him to his Biology classroom.

"I would have been in your class, but I transferred out," Edward said. "If you would like me to, I could transfer back."

"Honestly, Edward," he muttered, knowing his face was bright red. Edward just smirked at him and waved goodbye, disappearing through the door just before the teacher walked in.

The teacher pointed him out immediately.

"We've got a new student, class! Treat him nice, yeah?" She turned to Cedric with a smile carved in plastic. "Why don't you find a seat, and come back to the office at the end of the day, all right?"

He nodded silently, glancing warily at the only free seat in the classroom.

Next to the Isabella girl.

Who was watching him with a frown and scary eyes.

_Well, damn._

"You look… different from the last time we met," she muttered as he sat down, carefully keeping her voice lowered.

"I was very ill at the time," Cedric said, glancing at her. She shouldn't have been able to tell the difference. Somehow, she must have had a minor magical core – likely not enough to be manifested as magic, but enough to recognise its presence, like a squib. A descendant from a squib line? With the migration of squibs that wanted to get away from the prejudices of British wizards, that was fairly likely.

He glanced at her curiously. He didn't dare release his magic to find out, seeing as she could notice. She noticed him looking at her, and blushed horribly.

"What?" she said, staring at the top of her desk. He shrugged. She shifted in her seat, casting him a glance, and lowered her gaze to her desk again.

The teacher started handing out cow eyes. Cedric grimaced.

"How do you know Edward?" she asked, hair falling as a dark curtain around her face. He briefly wondered if her brain was as obscured as her face was.

_Fishing for information, much?_

"A relative of mine in Britain died not too long ago," he said, leaving out the fact that he was the dead relative in question. "I've been living with Edward since late February."

He only realised that he'd said Edward instead of _the Cullens_ when Isabella froze in her seat, glancing at him.

"Since around the time he was gone for a week?"

Cedric blinked, vaguely remembering Edward having told him about a car accident that would have sent the vampires into bloodlust unless he'd interfered.

"I think so," he said cautiously. Her eyes narrowed.

"I see," she muttered. He really had no clue what she thought she saw, but he knew better than to interfere with the thinking process of a scorned female.

Isabella sent him a weird look, but said nothing.

"_Is he Edward's real brother or something?_" he heard someone whisper, and almost choked. All of a sudden he was glad living with vampires tended to make you stop reacting to shock in the same way, as he wasn't supposed to have heard that at all.

_That's just... disturbing_, he thought.

Honestly, how could Edward stand it? Hearing people's wild theories out loud was more than enough for him, thank you very much.

"Pay attention," Bella hissed.

When he looked over she was holding the scalpel as if it was a cleaver, cow eye rolling in its box.

He might have laughed at her if it wasn't so nauseating.

Edward met him after class with an amused grin stuck on his face that made several of his classmates stumble over their own feet and crash into inanimate objects.

"I _will_ stake you," Cedric muttered. "Significant other or not, I don't care. Don't make fun of my suffering."

Edward made a solemn face and nodded. "Of course, dear," he said. "Whatever you say, dear."

Cedric elbowed him.

Edward laughed.

Bella's forehead met painfully with the doorway.


End file.
